“Most people do not listen with the intend to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen Covey, writer and educator
“The word listen contains the exact same letters as the word silent.” Alfred Brendel, pianist
Listening is both an art and a science, and one that we, as writers—and all creatives—would all benefit from cultivating. The more deeply we listen, the more we learn. The more deeply we listen, the more fully we understand other people—what they care about, what sparks their emotions, and what motivates them. All this is fuel for our writing.
It’s possible to measure our listen skills and improve them, says Avi Kluger, an expert on the science of listening, who plans on opening his own listening school in the near future.*
According to Avi, “Good listeners know when to be silent, ask probing questions…reflect on the words they heard.” Good listening offers a valuable benefits for both the listener and the speaker in a conversation: attitudes become less extreme, well-being is boosted, creativity increases, and trust grows.
On the other hand, according to Avi’s research, poor listening makes a speaker’s attitudes feel more extreme. In his view, “poor listening contributes to social division and to the creation of extremely dangerous attitudes.”
But good listening skills don’t just reduce conflict, they also help people feel valued and create a sense of belonging At at time when more than one-third of Americans feel seriously lonely, listening provides connection and support. As Avi notes, When one person listens well in a conversation, it “builds bridges between people, making them feel valued, connected, relaxed, and hopeful.”
What would a listening course look like? It would start with people telling family stories, then focus on conversations revealing deeper emotions—regrets and life aspirations. Next, it would develop the more complex skill of “active listening, where people decipher both verbal and non-verbal messages before giving feedback. Finally, it would equip a listener to hear and respond to speakers with extreme views.
Wow, sign me up! Listening is one of the most valuable skills in our writer’s kit bag. It enables us to deeply observe people and events, absorb what we’ve learned, and record or transform it through our writing. What a gift a good listener is in our own life—and what a gift to the readers we want to reach. Let’s all remember that “listen” and “silent” use exactly the same words as we all write on!
* Avi Kluger is a professor of organizational behavior at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.
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