To amuse and inspire us, here are a selection of words from a Washington Post contest in which readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for everyday words:
Flabbergasted, (adj.): Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Negligent, (adj.): Absentmindedly opening the door when wearing only a negligee.
Lymph, (v.): To walk with a lisp.
Abdicate, (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Flatulence, (n.): Emergency vehicle sent for someone run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash, (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.
Rectitude, (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by a proctologist.
Gargoyle, (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Esplanade, (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Oyster, (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, (n.): The belief that, in the great hereafter, the soul flies up to the roof and gets stuck there.
Wow! Creative wordsmiths are everywhere — we’re in good company as we all write on!