To amuse and inspire us, here are a selection of words from a Washington Post contest in which readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for everyday words:

Flabbergasted, (adj.):   Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

Negligent, (adj.):   Absentmindedly opening the door when wearing only a negligee.

Lymph, (v.):   To walk with a lisp.

Abdicate, (v.):   To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Flatulence, (n.):   Emergency vehicle sent for someone run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash, (n.):   A rapidly receding hairline.

Rectitude, (n.):   The formal, dignified bearing adopted by a proctologist.

Gargoyle, (n.):   Olive-flavored mouthwash.

Esplanade, (v.):   To attempt an explanation while drunk.

Oyster, (n.):   A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism, (n.):   The belief that, in the great hereafter, the soul flies up to the roof and gets stuck there.

Wow! Creative wordsmiths are everywhere — we’re in good company as we all write on!